handling change
Change has been a leading concept since the onset of … you know what. The world experienced change socially, culturally, intellectually and in every sphere of experience. At work places, Zoom, Teams, and other networking tools took precedence over in-person meetings. At home, being in the company of family was unrelenting. We all experienced change and like me, you make have a complicated relationship with change.
I got married recently, hence my hiatus from writing. I also changed my living conditions, place of worship, and sold items that I had acquired over the years. Lots of change, right? And it gets better. Even when we planned the wedding we navigated change a lot more than we anticipated. We planned to have a destination wedding initially but news on variants made us conclude that we may be exposing some people to unnecessary risk. Then we started working to have a small ceremony where we reside. At first we could have 30 guests, then 150, as per the policies. Then things shut down and we could only have a church ceremony with no reception.
Surprisingly, I did not freak out at any point through all this and I know without a doubt that a couple of factors prepared me for situations like this. I knew resilience had been built into my constitution somehow. First, what does resilience mean? Resilience is the ability to withstand hardship or spring back from hardship unscathed. Or the ability to handle change creatively and positively. I don’t necessarily consider my instances of change as hardships. But I do think that resilience is needed in the face of change.
Choice: I made a decision not to complain. I can’t remember when I made the decision not to but I remember my brother pointing it out to me in 2015. He had noticed that I was not a complainer. Sometimes, I express unhappiness or disquiet with the behaviour of people but I have made a conscious effort not to spend time in that space. The same goes for change. I have learnt not to complain or blame others for change or less than stellar occurrences. I have decided not to dwell in hardship. This does not mean that I ignore instances that are not agreeable. It means that I do not let anything prevent me from living, giving, and peaceful being. Resilience is a choice.
My belief system: I don’t think I had the space to freak out because I know/knew five things. A. God is in control B. His strength is made known in my weakness C. God has got me and knew about this before it happened D. God does not change. E. All things would work together for my good inevitably. I have had a track record of last minute wonders or miracles and in the end I have had numerous moments were the stress and worry I attributed to an occurrence was unnecessary. So why freak out or dwell in misery because things weren’t easy or going the way I wanted them to?
Childhood: We moved quite a bit, as a family. We also learned to acclimatize to new environments fairly quickly. I learned to adapt to new people, cultures, and environments at different stages of my life and somehow I think that made me adventurous and helped develop resilience. Furthermore, I was encouraged to explore as a child and I was given the freedom to do so. I think this helped me realize that there’s something to gain and learn from new and different experiences.
A thoughtful partner: even though I probably had a pre developed constitution for change, I know having a thoughtful and communicative partner created an environment to optimize my resilience. He asked how I was doing with the changes, communicated his frustrations on occasion but ended up identifying the pros, and he commended the manner I was handling situations and that made a big difference. Somehow having someone else as invested in your wellbeing provides a great environment for resilience to blossom and flourish.
Family and friends: I have understood the impact of a single text message or phone call like never before. I had friends that always called on days when my stress levels where getting there… and just talking things out made a huge difference. I have a friend that went on shopping and lunch expeditions with me and the conversations and laughter we shared took a load off. Text messages, check ins, and random conversations made a huge difference. I knew there were people that cared about my journey and that definitely encouraged resilience.
What can you do to navigate change? Pray, worship, spend time with people, stay consistent with positive habits. Stay grateful. All in all, I was resilient through the changes because God is really serious about knowing me and orchestrating everything to work out for good.
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
He ordained my childhood, family and friends and all I needed to navigate change. And in the end, all the changes that occurred weren’t as daunting as I thought they would be.
Thank you for reading this! Till next week! Live long and prosper!